And It's Already Off To A Weird Start

"Does Flannel Ever Die?"
I don't think it does. It's very comfortable on cold October mornings when you have to blog about ridiculous shit. It's like a bullshit shield of sorts. Maybe not so much... anyways, this is the real reason why you are here. Happy Halloween.

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File-no. 7243-089F
Status: Closed
Clearance: Tango Zulu

FBI Confidential - 10/31/07
Incident Report 651: Freeway Free-Bird

When you wake up and hear a rustling in the back yard, you usually prepare for the worst case scenario. Serial Killers, Rapists, Rabid Dogs, and Cobras are among the potential obstacles awaiting your gaze as you peek through the blinds. However that was not the case the morning of 10-30-07. A small disturbance was reported by a Mrs. Glinkman who was out back watering her flower-pots. A rustling in the bushes frightened Mrs. Glinkman, when she saw a large "white and grey" shape vanish into the thick ivy hanging on the fig tree.

Mrs. Glinkman alerted authorities at HRS:1342 on 10-30-07. When tactical units arrived on scene, investigators found no evidence of a prowler, but suspect that a light footed thief could have been canvasing the property. Moments later as the final tests were being packed up, one of the crime scene techs reported seeing reflections of light, similar to dogs eyes, emanating from the ivy. When briefed that her stalker was in the back yard, Mrs. Glinkman got angry and fled out side to meet her would-be attacker.

Her yelling startled the beast as she stepped through the threshold. In a sudden explosion of chaos, a chicken FLEW from the ivy, claws drawn in attack formation. Aiming only for the eyes, police shot and detained the monster before it could wreak havoc upon the Interstate5 freeway that was neighboring Mrs. Glinkman's house. Animal Control agents collected the animal and placed it into quarantine where it awaits trial.